4 comments on “My Crisis of Faith (Disclaimer…this post is about honesty in prayer. It has a bad word in it. It’s a real prayer that I prayed and I share it here in the spirit of full disclosure and honesty. God doesn’t want dishonest prayers, even if they are prettier.)

  1. No doubt this is something that you feel very deeply about. The restlessness of the soul – even the long dark night of the soul – is not an uncommon emotion. I don’t know of anyone who is truly committed to Christ that hasn’t felt it at times, but we all deal with it in our own way and according to our own level of pain.

    Having said that, I have never experienced the despair that you describe at your lowest point, so I really can’t speak to it. I have had times when I have been pretty low, but never ever thought about blaming God for it. I can look at my own failures, mistakes, poor choices, or unfair actions of others and realize that it is God that is truly my refuge and strength in spite of – or maybe because of – my lack.

    I believe a holy restlessness is a good thing. The bigness and greatness of our Christian mission never allows us to simply be satisfied where we are or with what we are doing, but PTL the conflict is over. His grace allows me to doubt myself, doubt others, doubt situations, and even have doubts about believing what I believe, but I never have to doubt God. He is my Rock, my Security, my Guide, and my ever present Help in times of trouble.

    So, thanks for sharing with your blog. It will help me to know how to pray more effectively for you. May God keep you hungry in such a way that you can only be filled with the Bread of Life.

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  2. Thanks for sharing so candidly with us. No easy answers, but, as you say, I do believe God sticks with us even when we doubt, and certainly when we are in pain. I think the “beating” you gave God is very much in line with the Hebrew roots of our faith; there are more psalms of lament in the psalter than of praise.

    Again, thanks for sharing this with us. It takes courage to be so open about spiritual struggles, and I have no doubt many readers will be blessed by your having done so.

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